the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
