i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
