I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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