why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
