i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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