Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
