You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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