After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
