basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
