well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
