I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
