why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
