I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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