I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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