He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
