people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
