the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
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Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
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I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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