I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
