WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
