According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
