Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
