Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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