Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
