There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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