You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
