if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
