hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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