how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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