Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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