btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
