His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
