I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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