I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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