And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
