i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
