I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
