Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize