and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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