Moan for me like Helen Keller
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize