If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
