turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
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This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
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Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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