i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
