even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
