the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
