I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
