Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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