I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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