Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
