I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
