so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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