my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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