do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
