Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
