I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The uberlube is also flammable
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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