I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm always down for nudity.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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