Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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